3 Tips to Surviving in Bangalore

Tip Number 1: Insist on the meter. When you’re traveling around the city, the easiest mode of transportation is the auto rickshaw. Ricks are everywhere. In most parts of the city, you won’t have to wait more than 30 seconds to find an available driver. They’re especially splendid because they’re small enough to fit through the holes in traffic that most cars can’t manage, which means you’ll get to your destination at least 40 seconds faster. In Bangalore, all rickshaws are metered. The current rate is 7 Rupees (18 cents) per kilometer, but if you don’t insist that they use the meter, they won’t. I learned my lesson the hard way. When I first got to India in June, I ignorantly paid over 10 times what I should have for a ride home one day. I wondered why the driver was so unusually enthusiastic about his job, but when “let’s mock Elliot for how much he paid” became the hottest new craze to hit school since the advent of the iPod, it seemed to make sense.

In the past few weeks, Joey and I have taken to using the bus system. It’s substantially cheaper, and now that Bangalore has discontinued use of the Chinese buses they were testing, it’s just as safe. Our advisor, Jacob, told me that the local government had purchased 100 buses from China as a trial run for a large fleet replacement they were preparing to make. “Too many” of them spontaneously burst into flames during operation, he said, so they decided to go with a different company.

Tip Number 2: Be Flexible. When you go to a restaurant, you might not get what you ordered. When you’re getting ready for school, the water might not work—and if it does, it might be frigid. When you’re in the middle of cooking dinner, watching a movie, or typing a paper, the power might go out. These things happen all the time. There are language barriers, there are problems with the plumbing systems, and the city of Bangalore is straining its power capacity.

Let me tell you about a real inconvenience, though. At my school, there are 3 computer labs. Each lab has the following utilities:

Lab 1: Windows, USB drives, printers. This lab has only two computers and is operated by two college employees. Because it's the only place on campus where students can print things, you have to use the computers as quickly as possible. You are only allowed to print here, you can't use a computer for anything else.
Lab 2: Windows, internet access.
Lab 3: USB drives, internet access, some obscure operating system that is incompatible with everything ever created.

Note that no single lab has the combination of Windows or Mac OS, internet, and printers. One day, I typed an essay at school using Microsoft Word which I needed to print. How did I do it? Can you solve the riddle? I typed my paper in Lab 2 (remember, you can't type in Lab 1), then emailed it to myself. I walked to Lab 3 and downloaded my document from my email onto my USB drive. Then I walked to Lab 1, where I uploaded my document from my USB drive and printed it.

The point is that if you’re not flexible, you will soon be insane.

Tip Number 3: Don’t drink and drive Don’t walk and text message. If you aren’t paying attention while you walk down the sidewalk, you’re gambling with your life. In Bangalore, sidewalks double as overflow lanes for traffic. At any moment, motorcyclists attempting to get around traffic jams may swerve off the road. If you’re in the middle of typing, “I dnt lk indian food, letz eat smwhr else”, you are going to die.

But renegade motorcycles are only part of the fun that awaits you on your journey to the grocery store. Under every sidewalk in Bangalore is a large drainage ditch. Sidewalks are actually nothing more than the 3-inch-thick concrete slabs which cover them. These slabs are commonly cracked, broken into pieces, or missing entirely, so if you aren’t watching where you’re walking, you might find yourself plunging knee-deep into something unpleasant.

One day, on our way to school, Joey and I saw a couple of shopkeepers place a piece of cardboard over an exposed portion of drainage ditch. We turned to each other in horror with the obvious acknowledgment that this little maneuver was going to hurt someone. And suddenly, it hit me. Suddenly, I realized exactly what was going on. Suddenly, I realized exactly how boring it must be selling bananas and lemons all day. Suddenly, I realized that these gents were merely doing the best they could with what they had. They had created an underground gambling ring built around a system in which patrons can place bets as to how much time will pass between pedestrians falling into their booby trap. These men needed entertainment, and in that moment--in that sudden moment--I finally realized the extent of this truth. I also discovered how incredibly creative Indian shopkeepers are. Give them a lemon, and they’ll make an underground gambling ring.